Sunday, September 9, 2012


I took one shot of Enbrel, and then made the conscious decision not to go back on it.

There is a part of me that believes that because I was taking my Enbrel for at least 2 weeks while pregnant, that I may have compromised my immune system so much that I contracted an infection that made me so sick, my body had to choose between getting better or protecting the embryo - which ultimately led to the miscarriage.

So I've been off all my meds since I took the shot at the end of July. And I'm paying for it - so much so that prednisone isn't really helping all that much. I just went back to work this past week (I'm a science professor) and started my own doctoral classes back up, and I can feel the RA creeping into my back and neck, where it has never bothered me before.

And what worries me the most is that by not managing my disease, I'm just setting myself up to have problems conceiving again - it took us 9 months the first time, mostly because I was taking an NSAID that was messing with my ovulation. But my doctor has pointed out that some people have issues if their RA is not managed - which at the moment, mine is not. And who really wants to have sex when in this much pain?

My mother taught me that life is not fair, but this just plain sucks. Is it so much to ask for this one thing? We've waited "so long" to be in a place where we felt comfortable bringing a child into this world, and now I have to work so hard for it.