Awareness Week....

Last Friday, October 12th, was World Arthritis Day...and I forgot about it until later in the day, after I taught my classes. Despite that, I posted a few things on Facebook about it, got a bunch of virtual hugs from my friends, and I know that I've educated at least some people I know since being diagnosed about rheumatoid arthritis. I also talk about it quite a bit in the microbiology class I'm teaching, considering some of the pathogen we discuss are possible triggers to arthritis, and taking some of my drugs (when I'm on them), classifies me as immune-compromised, so pathogens that may not affect them, can have adverse effects on me. It was all just in time for a  flare to throw my weekend off.

Monday, October 15th, was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. I didn't do anything for it, because many people I know still don't know about the miscarriage. It's still hard to get over, especially now that we are trying again, and every month turns into a waiting game. There's a small part of me that doesn't want to chance getting pregnant again and have to live through something like that again. I have the best support system of family and friends in the world, but I've never felt as broken as I did in the days following that ultrasound. I can't imagine going through it again. And I know that the benefits far outweigh the risks, because I know several people who have gone on and had healthy, happy families after losses like mine. But it still hurts. I have friends moving on with their lives - getting engaged, getting pregnant, having babies - and sometimes I just feel like we're just sitting here, stagnating, waiting for our lives to move on. I try so very hard to live in the moment, but between work and school, sometimes I wake up an wonder where the time has gone. It's been almost four months since I lost the baby, and yet sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday that I was walking through Target with my mom and she was buying a set of hooded towels, the first items bought, for my baby. A third of the year has passed and I feel like not much has changed since then, although my relationship with Dan has become stronger than it ever has been. If there is one good thing to take away from all of this, it's that I love my husband more than anyone on this planet, and between the two of us, we can make it through anything. I recognize that I am mildly depressed, but I find myself looking forward a little more each day. I'm developing stronger friendships with people that I've known for years and some of whom I've only known for a short time. And I am thankful for everything good that I have in my life.

NY Resolution: Try to blog more

I figure since I haven't been on the blog since October, I might as well update, although things seem to be going very well when it comes to my RA. The Enbrel has been working wonders - I finished my first term as a doctoral student while working my butt off and really haven't been feeling too bad. Although right before the holidays, I caught a cold and it eventually required antibiotics and a week of skipping my Enbrel to get through it. In the meantime, I lost my voice, which for a teacher is the worst thing possible. 

Also in the middle of that, I had a doctor's appointment (which was good because I needed the antibiotics anyway...). During the appointment, I had another ultrasound of my right hand - the knuckle at the base of the middle finger is the one joint that won't respond to any of my drugs. It was looking better, but during the ultrasound, there was still a significant amount of fluid in the sinovial sac, and it also looked like there was some bone erosion going on (not good). My doc prescribed more steroids, but between the missing Enbrel and the antibiotics that week, they did nothing. So today, I got my very first cortisone injection! I also got to be the guinea pig for two fellows working in the office. They were both very nice, and very interested in my case. One of them actually performed the injection (My joint was apparently an easy one seeing as there was already a lot of fluid in the joint). It was the oddest feeling though: as she injected the steroid into the joint (I could see it on the ultrasound), it felt like someone was slowly (and painfully) pulling my middle finger back. My doctor explained that that feeling was normal because we were injecting fluid into a fluid filled sac that was already filled with too much fluid. So now, I'm typing this with a semi-tender hand (I don't know if the local anesthetic has worn off yet or not) and hoping that this may be just the thing needed to stop damage to that finger - I kinda need my right hand to do stuff, like write!

It's been a while...

And that's because I really haven't been feeling that bad at all lately! I guess the Enbrel is working, because I am working my butt off and not getting too fatigued. So, yay!

Although, I did have a flare last week. I am currently working 20 hours as a lab technician, teaching 2 biology classes, and taking 2 doctoral classes - and last Wednesday, it all caught up to me. I had been up late the night before grading exams and reading for my education classes (not easy stuff...) and the days and nights before had been similar to that. I had to get up early to get to work, so that I could finish grading the exams to get back to my students. I walked into my first class of the day, and the first thing they said to me was "You look tired. Are you sick?" I answered honestly, "Yes, but not "sick" sick, but chronic sick." By the time I had to sit through my 3 hour class, I was done.

I made a point to go home early on Thursday and veg out on the couch, watching Firefly (hence the shameless picture of my future husband, Nathan Fillion (my current husband somehow understands...)). It was a good way to make myself feel better. Since then, it's been pretty good. Let's hope it stays this way!

Enbrel to the Rescue!

So, it's been awhile...I actually felt pretty good for a couple of weeks there, and didn't feel the need to write about it. Other than the craziness of prednisone (seriously, I was like a whole different person...not cool), my body felt normal. I could walk wherever without my toes cramping up. I even went kayaking without much pain. But as the prednisone tapered off, my symptoms came back slowly. 

The past week has been rough. I started teaching my summer class, and after over a month off, it really wears me out. On top of that, the class is 30 minutes longer than I'm used to. That extra 30 minutes feels like hours.

But there is hope in sight. I was approved to start Enbrel (after making sure I didn't have TB or hepatitis...I feel like I would know either way). So today I went to the doctor with my first dose in hand. Enbrel is an injectable medication - so I have an auto injector that I have to administer once a week. I was terrified that I would do it wrong, so I wanted to have the nurse help me. The nurse at my doctor's office, Natalie, is great. She's so super nice. She did the injection for me, just so I knew what to do next time. 

But OWWWWW. It stung. In order to inject all of the medication, you have to hold the injector on your skin for 15 seconds. Longest 15 seconds ever....and to top it off, the medicine was cold (it has to remain refrigerated) so I could feel it going in under my skin. Ick.

My doctor wasn't too thrilled that I hadn't taken a dose yet, but what was I supposed to do? My last appt was 3 weeks ago, and I didn't get my test results to him until last week. By that point, it made sense that instead of taking up time that wasn't scheduled for me, I'd just wait. Whatever. He did, however, get to play with his new toy - a brand new ultrasound machine. It is really cool to me how you can see the inflammation and measure the amount of heat being produced at those site with an ultrasound. He examined my foot with it, and when he turned the heat sensors on, it lit up like a Christmas tree. No wonder it hurts so much.

Now it is a matter of time to see how the Enbrel works. I talked to a very nice nurse on the phone yesterday through my pharmacy, and she said that some people see results in 10-14 days, other within 3 months. We'll see.