Well, the NY Resolution worked so well...

I'm back, mostly because I need a chance to vent. I'm in the middle of a flare, and I couldn't be more depressed about it if I tried.

I've been off the Enbrel for three months. I stopped because I got pregnant. I hadn't felt as good as I did since being diagnosed. It was wonderful.

Then, we went for a 10 weeks ultrasound to find out the embryo stopped growing at 5 weeks 6 days. I miscarried (involving a stressful trip to the ER) three days later.

That was a month ago yesterday. Yesterday, I gave myself my first Enbrel shot in three months. I'm in so much more pain than I've gotten used to.

It's just not fair sometimes.

NY Resolution: Try to blog more

I figure since I haven't been on the blog since October, I might as well update, although things seem to be going very well when it comes to my RA. The Enbrel has been working wonders - I finished my first term as a doctoral student while working my butt off and really haven't been feeling too bad. Although right before the holidays, I caught a cold and it eventually required antibiotics and a week of skipping my Enbrel to get through it. In the meantime, I lost my voice, which for a teacher is the worst thing possible. 

Also in the middle of that, I had a doctor's appointment (which was good because I needed the antibiotics anyway...). During the appointment, I had another ultrasound of my right hand - the knuckle at the base of the middle finger is the one joint that won't respond to any of my drugs. It was looking better, but during the ultrasound, there was still a significant amount of fluid in the sinovial sac, and it also looked like there was some bone erosion going on (not good). My doc prescribed more steroids, but between the missing Enbrel and the antibiotics that week, they did nothing. So today, I got my very first cortisone injection! I also got to be the guinea pig for two fellows working in the office. They were both very nice, and very interested in my case. One of them actually performed the injection (My joint was apparently an easy one seeing as there was already a lot of fluid in the joint). It was the oddest feeling though: as she injected the steroid into the joint (I could see it on the ultrasound), it felt like someone was slowly (and painfully) pulling my middle finger back. My doctor explained that that feeling was normal because we were injecting fluid into a fluid filled sac that was already filled with too much fluid. So now, I'm typing this with a semi-tender hand (I don't know if the local anesthetic has worn off yet or not) and hoping that this may be just the thing needed to stop damage to that finger - I kinda need my right hand to do stuff, like write!

It's kinda nice...

...to actually want to have sex with my husband.

That is all.

It's been a while...

And that's because I really haven't been feeling that bad at all lately! I guess the Enbrel is working, because I am working my butt off and not getting too fatigued. So, yay!

Although, I did have a flare last week. I am currently working 20 hours as a lab technician, teaching 2 biology classes, and taking 2 doctoral classes - and last Wednesday, it all caught up to me. I had been up late the night before grading exams and reading for my education classes (not easy stuff...) and the days and nights before had been similar to that. I had to get up early to get to work, so that I could finish grading the exams to get back to my students. I walked into my first class of the day, and the first thing they said to me was "You look tired. Are you sick?" I answered honestly, "Yes, but not "sick" sick, but chronic sick." By the time I had to sit through my 3 hour class, I was done.

I made a point to go home early on Thursday and veg out on the couch, watching Firefly (hence the shameless picture of my future husband, Nathan Fillion (my current husband somehow understands...)). It was a good way to make myself feel better. Since then, it's been pretty good. Let's hope it stays this way!

Vacation!

I just got back from a week long vacation to Disney and am totally surprised by how well I did, considering my RA! I walked pretty much for 4 straight days through the parks, and it wasn't until the end of the last day that I really really couldn't stand it anymore. This was unthinkable months ago, and we totally assumed that I would be renting a wheelchair to get through the week. So something appears to be working!

However, sitting in the car on the way home with Hurricane Irene escorting us back to RI did not help my poor little swollen toes - the low pressure was just a little too much!

Success!

Shoe shopping was a success this weekend! Silver strappies for the weddings, and then a cute pair of shoes for work (for good, short days of course)!

Shoes....

So today I went shoe shopping. I have to find a pair of silver shoes for the two (yes two) weddings I'm in the week of September 4-11. More about this later...Luckily, my two best friends decided on silver shoes to go with the navy and red dresses I have to wear. So only one pair of shoes needs to be found. (Although there are like a million cute navy shoes out this season...)

My obvious issue is that I have to find shoes that are comfortable enough to wear all day long, without me wanting to kill myself - or without requiring a day's rest to recover from (which I'll probably already need anyways). I also want CUTE shoes.

I was never much of a shoe person, until I started working as a professor, which required business professional attire. When I started working, I had a pair of chunky black shoes, and brown penny-loafers. Plus sneakers and flip-flops. However, eventually, I discovered a love of shoes. I love red shoes, I have a really cute pair of purple flats that I try to wear as often as possible, and I now have quite a few black shoes, one for every occasion. Now, this love started about a year, year and a half, before I was diagnosed with RA. I have all these cute shoes - and can really only wear the flats. Unless it's a good day, and I might be able to pull off my kitten heels

So, I am now picky about what shoes I want to wear, and am also limited by what I can actually wear...the hunt began today at DSW. And I found so many cute shoes, but they all had too high a heel. *sad face*

The hunt shall continue tomorrow.