I love to tap dance. I've been doing it since I was six years old, and still remember standing in the foyer of our house in my tap shoes teaching myself the difference between a shuffle and a flap. I dance all the way through high school and just got back into it about 2 years ago.
It's the one thing I refuse to give up so soon because of my RA. Which means I'm typically pounding my aching feet on the floor and probably doing some serious damage to my feet. Despite this, it makes me happy when I perform. It's an accomplishment.
The reason I felt the need to write about dance tonight was because I fell in class this evening. I messed up a step, tried to correct myself, rolled my ankle, and lost my balance. I caught myself on my hands and fell backwards. My pride was hurt more than anything else. Although my shoulders are starting to hurt from catching myself.
It frustrates me. I used to be the one that remembered every step the week after we learned it. I never had trouble remembering what step came next. And that's what happened tonight. I forgot a step. I used to think about routines all week long, going over them in my head, tap dancing in the kitchen while cooking dinner. Now, I never think about it, because all I have on my mind is how much my feet hurt, or my hands, or my neck. I miss enjoying dance...now it's more frustrating than anything else.
But I refuse to give it up just yet...